


The Real Richard Goranski(?)

by Donttakeachillpill



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: ABBA, Abuse Mentions, Anxiety, Bisexuality, Canon Bisexual Character, Depression, Dumbass Rich, First Time, Gay Male Character, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I will add more as the story continues, M/M, PT Cruiser, Pan!Brooke, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Slushies, Trans Jeremy, We be gay, bisexual awakening, expensive headphones, overuse of emojis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-11-04 17:57:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17902829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donttakeachillpill/pseuds/Donttakeachillpill
Summary: Rich Goranski doesn't remember how to act without his S.Q.U.I.P. He certainly doesn't know how to handle all his feelings, or how to fix all the problems he created. He feels like he's just now finding out how to live in his junior year of highschool. That antisocial headphones kid isn't make things any better.





	1. Hospitals are Lame

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Y'all! This here is my first fanfic so I'm sorry if it's absolute shit.  
> I just wanted to write a little story of what may have happened after Be More Chill.  
> I love Expensive Headphones, and will go down with this ship.
> 
> * I didn't write in Rich's lisp, but it is there.
> 
> TW- Mention of fire, burns, and hospitals.

It was the morning after Jeremy checked out of the hospital. Rich lay in bed, clutching the teddy bear by his side. His other hand was hitting the call button the nurse gave him. She had to place it in his hand since his cast restricted any other movement. The nurse assigned to Rich’s room was an older lady. She was kind and had a warm smile, and gave off a very grandmotherly feel. When Rich first transferred from the burn unit, she told him to call her Barb. Rich thought this was a very fitting name. His great aunt’s name was Barb, at least he thinks it was.

Barb walked into the room and opened the curtain. She took the button from Rich’s hand and placed it out of his reach. Rich frowned.

“ What’s the matter sweetie? You have been hitting the call button non-stop for 3 minutes,”

“ They itch,” Rich pouted.

“ What itches? The burns?” Barb applied some hand sanitizer from the dispenser by the sink.

“ Yeah. The cast isn’t helping either. The end of the one on my arm is hitting against my knuckle,”

“ That’s just part of the healing process. I know it sucks, but that means they are healing. That’s good news. The faster you heal, the faster you’re out of here. Hmm?”

“ I guess.” Barb hit a button on the screen by his chair. “ Can I get some headache medicine or something?”

“ Your head isn’t feeling better? That might be the lack of potassium. Are you feeling any nausea?”

“ I guess. Is that what you’re tracking?” Rich attempted to turn his head to look at Barb.

“ Yes. Some yogurt or banana might make you feel better. You hungry?”

“ Yeah,”

“ I’ll go get you some breakfast then,” Barb hit a final button, smiled at Rich, and left the room. Rich slumped into the hospital bed. His nose itched. Of course it itched, he couldn’t move. Rich attempted to shrug the teddy bear on his arm by his nose, but it wouldn’t reach. He huffed. He stared ahead, wriggling his nose into various positions. He did this for a few minutes until he was startled by a knock at the door.

“ Becoming a piggy there Richie?” Rich recognized the voice as his brother, Steven’s.

“ Not planning to anytime soon,”

“ How you feeling?” Steven stepped into the room. He awkwardly shifted around until sitting down in the chair by the bed.

“ How do you think? I nearly died in a fucking fire.” Rich scoffed. Steven just shrugged and leaned back in his chair. “ Peachy,”

“ Your lisp’s back,”

“ Really, I didn’t notice.” Rich paused. “ Why are you here?”

“ Can’t I visit my little bro after he “nearly died in a fucking fire”, as you so poetically put it?” Steven put his hand over heart dramatically.

“ Not when he hasn’t talked to him for two years. How did you even find out I was in the hospital?”

“ The newspaper. You were on the back. “ Local teenager party ends in a blaze.” It was only you and the host injured right?”

“ Mmm-hmm. Glad I’m popular,”

“ It’s a local newspaper, not that popular,” Steven pointed out. It was then that Barb walked back with the yogurt. She placed it down and started to feed it to Rich.

“ Hand-fed? Living the high luxury life there Richie.” Steven said sarcastically.

“ I’m in a full body cast, you shit.” Rich closed his mouth and shrugged Barb away. “Thanks Barb, but I’m not really hungry anymore. Can I just get some Tylenol or something?” Barb just nodded and stood to leave again.

“ When are you getting out of here?” Steven asked.

“ A week, they said. Why do you care anyway?” Rich said defensively. Steven hasn’t been a big brother to him since he left the house. Why would he want to start now?

“ Just curious. Looking for conversation starters,”

“ Why don’t you start with why you left me alone then? Or where you’ve been? How has school been Richie? Do you have any friends? Any crushes? How are you? You know, something a big brother would ask his little brother,” Rich clenched his fist that wasn’t blocked by his cast.

“ Seems to me you don’t want me here,” Steven stood up.

“ Not particularly, no,”

“ Welp, see you then,” Steven slapped Rich’s arm and Rich yelped. Steven drew his hand back and winced. He then gave a half-hearted wave, grabbed his bag, and left, nearly colliding with Barb.

“ Who was that hun?” Barb asked, setting the pill on Rich’s tongue. She tipped the water into his mouth and Rich swallowed.

“ My brother,”

“ Oh, that’s nice. What’s his name?”

“ Steven,”

“ He left in a hurry,”

“ He had somewhere to be,” Rich lied. He had no clue what Steven was doing. Maybe he just visited his brother because he had an hour or two to spare.

“ Well, he seems nice,” Rich just laughed, and Barb smiled. She left again, leaving Rich alone again.

Rich had no idea why his brother visited him, and he honestly didn’t care. He looked at the teddy bear again. It was a soft sandy color, and wore a shirt that said “Get Well Soon”. Rich had no clue who gave it to him. It had just been there one day when he woke up. It smells slightly like coconut. Rich felt a sharp pain in his temple. Every so often he could hear a soft Rich in the back of his head, reminding him of the past two years. Rich hated how he let the S.Q.U.I.P change him. He became a bully, and a dick. Sure, he became popular, but it didn’t make him feel better. Now that the S.Q.U.I.P was gone, he actually felt a lot worse. The burns on his skin itched, and he could barely see. He had glasses before his S.Q.U.I.P, but abandoned them after she said they weren't cool. The thing he felt the worst about, though, was how he had treated Jeremy and that antisocial headphones kid. The one with the nice smile.

The room darkened after the sun went behind the clouds. Rich shifted himself as much as he could with his cast and shut his eyes. He tried to fall asleep to the sound of the highway outside. Soon, the week passed, and he was released. Steven was his only visitor.


	2. Corner Stores are Lame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a snow day, so I figured I'll be useful and put out another chapter for you to enjoy!
> 
> TW- Burn scars

Knock.

Knock.

“Dad?”

Nothing.

“Dad, are you there? I was wondering if you wanted anything from the store?” Rich questioned through the door. He waited a moment. Unsurprisingly, there was no answer. Rich made a mental note to pick up some tonic water. He headed downstairs and grabbed his wallet. He took his jacket off the barstool and opened the door.

“Rich?” Rich heard his dad yell from upstairs.

“Yeah?”

“Cough drops,” 

“Ok, Dad,” Rich sighed. He headed out the door and started walking to the corner store. The previous interaction wasn’t unusual in the Goranski household. Almost always were one or two word phrases used instead of full sentences. For example, when Rich’s dad signed him out of the hospital. He walked up to the front desk silently, checked him out, and walked back out. Rich had to run behind him with his cast so he could find the car. On the drive home, the only words that were spoken were,

“ The bill’s awfully expensive,”

“ I know, Dad,” Rich had gritted his teeth, expecting something worse.

“ Don’t do that again,” Rich looked over to his dad, whose hands were steady on the steering wheel. He sighed a sigh of relief.

“We need more tonic water,”

“Ok,”

\----------------------------------------------------------

Rich strolled into the store. He grabbed the things he needed and paid. He was asked “Son, are you ok?” and “Oh my God, what happened?” and mumbles of, “What happened to him?” or “Look at those scars.” His hand trembled as he took the twenty out of his wallet with his free hand and handed it to the cashier. Rich could feel the people staring and pointing. Subconsciously, he rubbed the burn on his face. It was by far, the most noticeable one, and the one Rich hated the most. Unlike all the others, that were smooth and pink, this one had bumps, and streaks of red. It looked like a cow’s udder, as Jeremy jokingly pointed out. He quickly grabbed his bag and walked out. 

Balancing the bag on his good arm, Rich scratched under his cast. The burns on his right arm were the worst, and required extra healing, but not enough to warrant a continued hospital stay. The doctor told him to leave the cast on another two weeks, and he could take it off. Kicking at rocks and singing some pop song he heard on the radio, Rich headed home. 

Rich entered the house and started putting the groceries away. He popped a microwave burrito in and headed upstairs with the cough drops. He knocked on his dad’s door again, and entered when he heard a grunt. His dad was laying on his side, so Rich dropped the bag on his nightstand. His dad grunted again, and Rich left. He headed back downstairs and grabbed his burrito, flinching at its heat. Rich used a paper towel to grab the plate and headed to the couch. He sat, scrolling through his phone. He looks at all the ignored messages from friends and acquaintances and grimaces. During the hospital visit, he couldn’t bring himself to respond to anything sent. He sees notifications for assignments he was excused from and the ones that were due anyway. Rich didn’t think anybody would expect him to do schoolwork at the hospital, but apparently his chemistry and humanities teacher did. He took the final bite out of his burrito, put the plate in the sink, and headed to his room.

Gingerly pulling his sweater off, Rich got ready for bed. He turned off his light, plugged his phone in, and laid face down. Groaning into his pillow, Rich thought about the next day. How was he supposed to face his classmates? He wasn’t anything like he was with his S.Q.U.I.P. He had a lisp, a cast, and an actual interest in other people’s feelings. He thought of all the kids he bullied, and how he made their life a living nightmare. It was all he thought about during his stay in the hospital. Should he apologize? Or would that make things worse? Thinking about facing them made Rich’s stomach hurt. The guilt was too much.

His friends, if he could even call them that anymore, would be all over him. While he was in the hospital, all they could talk about was how bad they felt for him. They spread rumors about the reasoning too. His personal favorite was that he had walked in on his parents having sex and felt like he had to burn his eyes out. Probably because of how untrue it was. They were close on some, with the fact he hated himself, or felt guilty for the way he treated people. Someone even said it was because he knew he was gay, which Rich laughed at, because if the S.Q.U.I.P hadn’t left, he wouldn’t even realize he had any sort of same-sex attraction.

Rich had suspected life without the S.Q.U.I.P to be different, but not this different. His S.Q.U.I.P had held back so many different things, that Rich felt he was completely rediscovering himself. He told Jeremy that girls (and guys) would learn to love the real Richard Goranski, but he doesn’t even know who that was. Maybe he shouldn’t have told Jeremy that. There was a lot of things he told Jeremy that he probably shouldn’t have. It wasn’t his fault! Jeremy was just the first person who would listen. He really did feel bad about how he treated Jeremy.

Rich yawned and cuddled his bear closer, breathing in its comforting scent. He fell asleep to silence.  
\----------------------------------------------------------

Rich woke up to a cool room, and he pulled his blanket closer. He stretched and went to lay back down again when he jolted up in realization that he never set an alarm. He quickly hopped out of bed and checked the time. It was only 10 minutes after he would normally wake up. He unplugged his phone and slumped to the bathroom. He did everything he needed to do, and walked into his room. He looked around his room for his backpack he lost sophomore year. The S.Q.U.I.P told him that cool kids didn’t use backpacks, which Rich thought was a bit ridiculous. Jake used a backpack! But, Rich wasn’t going to argue with a supercomputer. He finally found it at the top of his closet. He was glad he didn’t throw it away.

The backpack was a pale blue with purple pockets. It had a small tag on the bottom that said,

Property of: Dick Goranski

Rich laughed at his old nickname. He shouldn’t have needed a supercomputer to tell him it was a stupid nickname. He reached in the backpack and found nothing but a pack of Gushers. Rich quickly threw it away. That thing had to be at least 2 years old. He could probably kill a man with those. 

He checked his phone again, and saw it was time to go. He would have to take the bus, because he doubted anybody would be coming around to give him a ride. It was kinda lame to ride the bus as a junior, but it was also kinda lame to burn down your best friends house. Rich knocked twice on his dad’s door to signal he was leaving, and walked out the door. 

Rich sat alone on the bench at the bus stop, a few minutes early. He was scrolling on his phone when he felt the bench move a bit. He heard someone clear their throat and looked up to see Jeremy Heere.

Rich panicked for a second, and scooted closer to the end of the bench. Jeremy scratched his nose. He cleared his throat again, and mumbled something.

“What did you say?” Rich looked over at Jeremy, puzzled to why he was talking to him. 

“I said, uh, hey? How are you?”

“ Oh, uh, good. I’m doing good,” Rich relaxed his shoulders a bit.

“How was the rest of the hospital stay?” Jeremy slouched over and put his hand behind his neck.

“It was fine. Food was ok, Barb was nice,”

“Did your dad visit?”

“No,”

“Oh, um, well,” Jeremy looked nervous at his response. “ I’m sorry man, that, uh, kinda sucks,” Jeremy reached his hand over like he was going to pat him on the back, but drew away.

“It’s fine. I mean, we can’t all have a great dad like yours. That’s just not how percentages work,”

“Are you kidding? My dad wouldn’t put on pants until the accident. He wasn’t all that great,”

“Well, at least he is now. How is he anyway? Did he get the job?” Rich wanted to divert the conversation from his father.

“Oh yeah, he totally did! Before he went into his slump, he was a grade A employee with tons of potential, so he got the job pretty easily,” Jeremy looked off to the side with a proud look on his face.

“That’s great! He seemed really excited about it. How are you feeling? Any-?” Rich made a small gesture towards his head.

“Little bit. Every so often I hear a tiny voice telling me I’m doing something wrong, but it goes away if I ignore it. It’s easier that way,” 

“Yeah. It refreshing not having to listen to it anymore,” Rich sighed.

“Yeah,” Jeremy looked down at his palms and traced the lines. Rich looked ahead and took a deep breath.

“Jeremy, look. I’m really sorry man,” Rich kicked at the sidewalk. Jeremy looked at him surprised.

“Sorry for what?”

“For how I treated you! I was a terrible person! It physically pains me to think of the things I did to you,” Rich turned towards the other boy. “ I can’t imagine how it makes you feel. You or your friend,”

“You don’t need to apologize, man. I know that wasn’t you. If you had it nearly as bad as I did, I’m surprised you didn’t kill me. Don't forget you had it for two years,” Jeremy turned to Rich so that the two boys were facing each other.

“But I made those decisions! I choose to take it, I choose to listen to it, I even made you buy one! I was the one in control,” Rich ran his hand through his hair.

“I can tell you you were most certainly not in control. It could control your body Rich! I mean, I nearly had sex with Chloe until I got too drunk for it to function. And in the end, I made the decision to take it. You just told me about it.” Jeremy paused and patted his thighs, looking for something else to say. “Look, man, what you did to me sucked. I was scared to go to school sometimes because of you. You made me feel worthless. But in the end, that wasn’t you. Or, at least it isn’t you anymore. The person I talked to in the hospital isn’t the same person who terrorized me,”

“Well, even so, I’m sorry. Honestly, I just want to start over. With everybody. I don’t expect forgiveness, or to be best buddies with anybody, I just want a clean slate. But, that’ll take some work, and I realize that. It’s work I’m willing to do,” Rich smiled at Jeremy. Jeremy smiled back.

“You’re probably right. In my case, you already have a clean slate. You got one the moment you started talking to me in the hospital. I knew you weren’t that mean, selfish, egotistical bully anymore. You were excited, passionate, and nervous. You were an actual, real, genuine person. Somebody I could be friends with,” Jeremy patted Rich on the shoulder. 

“Friends?” Rich looked up at Jeremy, who had stood up, seeing the bus pull in.

“Maybe,” Jeremy smiled back at Rich and stepped on the bus. Rich laughed to himself and followed suit.

Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad day today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I updated the format a bit on the last chapter, it looked like crap.


	3. Bathrooms are Lame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I have both school and sports kicking my ass.
> 
> TW- Panic attacks, insults.

Rich got off the bus, books in hand.  He took a deep breath, adjusted his headband, shook out his body, and ducked inside the school doors.  He looked up, and time seemed to immediately stop.  
  
Conversations quieted, lockers closed, and bodies froze.  Students turned their heads slowly towards Rich.  He stared through the crowd and saw eyes filled with hate, pity, curiosity, and fear.  Rich’s breath hitched, and he felt his stomach convulse.  He saw hands fly up to shoulders, feet turn away, and mouths move.  He heard whispers of,  
  
“Freak,”  
  
“Pyro,”  
  
“Bully,”  
  
“Maniac,”  
  
And he couldn’t breath.  Time resumed once again, but faster this time.  They came closer now, making Rich feel smaller and smaller with every passing second.  He was surrounded, hungry eyes scanning their prey.  The whispers grew louder and louder, almost surpassing a scream.  
  
“Shouldn’t you be locked up?”  
  
“Pyros like you shouldn’t be here,”  
  
“Serves you right, monster,”  
  
“Harvey Dent wants his face back,”  
  
“Burn, baby!”  
  
“Karma’s a bitch, eh?”  
  
“Always knew he was psycho for Jake,”  
  
The mention of Jake’s name spiraled the feeling of dread in Rich’s stomach.  Jake.  Jake, his best friend and partner in crime.  Jake, who rescued him.  Jake, whos house he burned down.  Jake, who was in a wheelchair now.   
  
Jake, who could never possibly forgive him for the things he did.  
  
Rich felt his eyes tear up.  He quickly ducked his head again and ran forward.  He couldn’t let them see him crying.  That would just escalate things.  He had to go somewhere nobody would see him.  He ran towards the science hall.  
  
“Where you going hot stuff?”  
  
“Yo!  I heard Goranski’s totally gay now! ”  
  
“Slow down Goranksi!  Where’s the fire? ”  
  
Rich ducked into the men’s room.  It was the one in the science hall.  It smelled like pickles and sulfur, and half of the school was convinced it was haunted.  Nobody would follow him here.  Rich slammed his fist on the counter and screamed.  The tears were flowing freely now.  He looked at himself in the mirror and let out a weak laugh.  He didn’t even last five minutes.  How was he supposed to last a whole day?  Rich turned on the tap and watched the water flow.  
  
He never thought it would be this bad.  He never thought he would react this way.  He was pitiful.  He was a coward.  He couldn’t face the world.  He couldn’t take responsibility for his actions.  But, he should be grateful, right?  He got off easy.  Jake never pressed charges.  The fire was ruled as accidental.  Rich knew it wasn’t.  Everybody else did too.  But even so, it could be a lot worse.  Right?  
  
Rich closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing.  In through the nose and out through the mouth.  In for four, hold for two, out for six.  
  
Clear your mind.  
  
Rich knew his anxiety was bad, before and after the S.Q.U.I.P., but he didn’t think it was this bad.  He felt his pulse through his thumbs.  He could hear his heart beating.  The room seemed to sway.  He tried keeping focusing on his breathing, but his mind kept wandering.  
  
They hate you.  You don’t belong here.  You shouldn’t be forgiven for what you did.  You’re insane.  You’re a monster.  You should be locked up.  You should be dead.  
  
You should be dead.  
  
You should be dead.  
  
You should be-  
  
“How long have you been in here Rich?”  
  
Rich jumped and screamed.  He spun around and locked eyes with Jeremy.  He stepped back quickly and wiped his eyes.  He cleared his throat and puffed his chest out.  
  
“Just got in a few minutes ago,”  
  
“Don’t bullshit me Rich.  I saw you running in the halls,”  
  
“Oh, um,”  
  
“I figured I should look for you.  It’s pretty bad, isn’t it? ” Jeremy walked up to Rich.  Rich just nodded.  “I thought it would be bad.  It was pretty gruesome for me when I came back, but this, this is worse than I imagined.  Pretty nasty stuff,”  
  
“Yeah.  It isn’t great,” Rich leaned back against the counter.  
  
“How you feeling?”  
  
“How do you think?”  
  
“I think you’re in here having the first panic attack you’ve had in 2 years,”  
  
“Panic attack?”  Rich gulped.  Jeremy couldn’t know, could he?  Rich didn’t remember telling him about his anxiety.  He wouldn’t have told him.  Rich never told anybody about his anxiety.  It made him look weak, and he was probably overreacting anyway.  He should just calm down, he was probably nervous about his first day back.  Being constantly whispered about was sure to spark something bad in anybody, right?  
  
“Don’t even try to deny it, Rich.  I am literally the definition of anxiety.  I know when somebody is having a panic attack.  You have all the tell-tale signs,”  Jeremy sighed and put a hand on his hip.  
  
“Tell-tale signs?”  
  
“You’re leaning against the counter because your knees feel weak.  Right? ”  
  
“Uh-”  
  
“You’re staring at that corner because the room is swaying, right?”  
  
“Well-”  
  
“You’re taking deep breaths to calm down, right?”  
  
“No-”  
“You can feel your stomach contracting, right?”  Jeremy was getting a little cocky.  
  
“Stop-”  
  
“You have the water running so you can concentrate on something other than your dark thoughts,” Jeremy stepped right in front of Rich. Rich threw up his arms in defense.  He shut his eyes and prepared for a strike.  But nothing came.  He heard a click and the sound of running water stopped.  
  
“Right?”  
  
Rich lowered his arms and opened his eyes.  He met Jeremy’s blue ones and saw pity.  No, not pity, compassion.  He swallowed the lump in his throat and opened his mouth.  He felt hot tears streaming down his face.  
  
“Right,”   
  
The tears were coming faster now.  Rich’s whole body was shaking and even Jeremy looked off put.  Rich grabbed Jeremy’s shoulder to steady himself.  
  
“What do I do, man?”  Rich cried out desperately.  His stomach felt sick, and he debated running to the nearest stall.  
  
“Breath and wait it out.  If you need to go sit down, that’s OK too.  Try putting some headphones in,” Jeremy grabbed Rich’s arm and held him up.  He lead him to the stall and Rich sat down.  Jeremy awkwardly patted his thigh and stood up.  He tossed Rich a pair of earbuds from his backpack, and then slung it over his shoulder.  
  
“What time is it?”  Rich rubbed his shoulder.  Jeremy turned back and took out his phone.  
  
“8:17,” Jeremy put his phone back into his pocket.  
  
“Oh, shit!  I made you late. ”Rich tapped on the seat.“ Sorry, and-”  
  
“It’s all good.  I know how weird it is not having a voice telling you what to do every day,”  
  
"And thanks.  Really.  You don’t have to be so nice to me.  I really don’t deserve it,”  
  
“You gotta stop this.  I’m being nice because I want to,”  
  
“Why do you want to?”  Rich looked back down at the floor.  Jeremy just laughed and put his hand on the door handle.  Rich saw this and felt his stomach sink.  
  
“Jeremy, wait!  I don’t want to be a bother but, uh-.  Never mind,” Rich quickly stopped his train of thought.  Jeremy was already late and definitely wouldn’t want to stay.  Why would he?  They weren't friends.  Yet.  Maybe someday, but not right now.  Not ever if Rich continues the way he’s going.  Rich started to shake again.  
  
“Yeah?”  Jeremy questioned, but not with any annoyance.  It was like he actually wanted to know what Rich was going to say.  That felt refreshing.  Not like what he was used to.  
  
“Oh no, it was stupid.  Never mind,” Rich felt his breath start to falter again.  His knee started bouncing up and down, and he could feel sweat beading on his forehead.  
  
“Do you want me to stay?”  Jeremy smirked.  Rich looked up at him and their eyes meet.  Jeremy just laughed.  “You wouldn’t have to work hard to convince me.  I fucking hate Topics anyway,”  
  
Rich stared at him.  Jeremy was going to stay?  For him?  Jeremy, the kid he made fun of every day during the worst time in his life?  Jeremy, the kid he sought out in the hallway just so he could get a laugh?  Why?  
  
“Oh, shit.  Do you not want me to stay?  I-I could leave if you want me too.  You just looked like you did- not saying you look weak or anything, just-,”  Jeremy stammered.  
  
“Jeremy.  Please.  Stay,”  Rich smiled at him meekly.  Jeremy nodded and walked over to the quivering junior.  He crouched down.  
  
“Do you want to talk?”  
  
“Can you?  Talk, I mean.  I want to know stuff about you.  If that’s cool,”  
  
“Yeah.  What would you like me to talk about? ”  
  
“Anything,”  
  
So Jeremy did just that.  He talked about anything and everything.  He talked about his classes.  He talked about his favorite Pokѐmon generation.  (Gen 4. He had really good reasons for it too.) He talked about his plans for his future.  He talked about the essay he was procrastinating on.  He talked about his girlfriend, Christine.  He talked a _lot_  about Christine.  He talked about his best friend, Michael, and their plans for the weekend.  Rich had connected the dots that Michael was the headphones kid that always visited Jeremy in the hospital.  The guy who always had a nice smile for Rich.   
  
Rich was glad he knew his name.  
  
Michael.  It fit him.  Rich was deep into thought, slightly listening to Jeremy passionately explain his fear of horses, when a bell interrupted him.  
  
“Oh, maybe we should get to class.  How are you feeling? ” Jeremy stood up and dusted off his knees.  
  
“A lot better.  Thanks, Jeremy.  Really,” Rich stood up and took out the earbuds.  
  
“What class do you have now?”  
  
“Chemistry,”  
  
“Great!  I have AP Bio.  They’re right next to each other! ” Jeremy started walking.  Rich followed.  
  
They headed down the halls, and Rich looked around.  Nobody seemed to be staring at him anymore.  Everyone was talking to their friends in little clusters.  Jeremy smiled at a kid near the water fountain.  Rich stopped in front of his classroom and peered in.  
  
“You going to be ok?”  Jeremy asked Rich.  
  
“Yeah,” Rich looked at Jeremy, who was picking at his thumb.  
  
“Cool.  Look I know it’s a bit sudden, but that new Star Wars movie comes out tonight, and Michael and I were goingtogo see it.  Do you want to come? ” Jeremy propositioned.  
  
“I’d love too!  Would Michael be okay with it, though? ”   
  
“Yeah, it was his actually his idea!  He has good ones sometimes,” Jeremy held out his phone which had a new text from Player 2 saying:  
  
**  Why don’t you invite him? Maybe he’s a secret nerd. **  
  
Rich laughed.  He did like Star Wars, so maybe he was a secret nerd.   
  
“So?”  Jeremy asked.  
  
“Absolutely!”  Rich grinned.  “What time do you want to meet?”  
  
“Well, the movies at 3:30, so we can head there right after school.  Look for the red PT cruiser.  You can’t miss it,” Jeremy grinned right back.  The warning bell rang, and Rich turned to walk into his classroom.   
  
He stared into the room and gulped.  Could he really do this?  Rich shook his head slightly.   
“Hey, you sure you’re going to be ok?”  Jeremy’s brow raised in concern.  
  
“I’m sure.  I feel great,” Rich winked and spun into the classroom.  
  
He felt great.


	4. PT Cruisers Are Lame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love not uploading!
> 
> But seriously, sorry for the late update. Please don't hate me.
> 
> No TWs! Yay!

Rich strolled into class and sat in his usual seat. His teacher gave him a small smile and a “Welcome back, Rich,” then proceeded to take attendance. Rich fiddled with his pen, clicking it up and down until the kid in front of him gave him a nasty look. He muttered a quick apology, and returned his attention up front.

 

“Goranski, I saw, Holliday?”

 

‘Here”

 

Rich tapped his knee. He never got why they had to take roll call. Couldn't they just take a look at the empty seats and deduct from there? Everybody sat in the same seat anyway.

 

“So my absences are Wallings, Freid, and Dillinger?”

 

Rich looked around the room confused. How could he not notice Jake wasn’t here? He sat right next to him. Jake never missed class, and Rich felt a bit of worry blossom in his chest. Was Jake OK? Rich’s concerns were interrupted by a squeal.

 

“Hey! Hey. Sorry I’m late. I lost track of the time,” Rich turned to see Jake in the door. He looked out of breath and was sitting back in his chair panting. Jake was just given a stern look and a “Please take your seat,”. With a grin, he rolled into the room. He stopped right next to his usual spot and hanged at the side, adjusting his wheelchair to fit under. Rich watched this with quiet intensity and only broke contact when he heard the lesson start.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Rich never liked chemistry, nor was he any good at it. Before, his S.Q.U.I.P did all the work, or he would cheat off of Jake. Now, neither one of those were an option and he had a lab due Wednesday. Now he has to actually study, something he hasn’t done in two years. That was going to be a fucking blast. Rich laid his head on his worksheet and groaned quietly. 

 

“Need help?” Rich looked up to meet a warm gaze. Jake had rolled his chair over to Rich and was now right next to him, his pencil tapping against the arms of his chair.

 

“Oh- uh, no I’m good,” Rich stuttered out quickly. He dropped his eyes back to his paper and tried to ignore the other boy.

 

“You sure? You suck at those, and unless you spent all that time in the hospital studying, which I doubt, you’re going to need all the help you can get,” Jake bumped Rich’s arm. Rich instinctively drew back a bit, and Jake’s grin faltered. Rich muttered a quick apology and the grin returned.

 

“So you’re going to need this formula.” Jake scribbled an equation at the top of Rich’s paper. “Then, you’re going to plug this here and this, here,” Jake pointed to a couple numbers and circled a variable. Rich paid close attention to Jake, and when he finished the first problem, he felt he actually had a grip on it. He was surprised that he got it that quick. Rich tried the second problem on his own, and turned his paper back to Jake for approval. Jake glanced at the paper and held up his hand for a high five.

 

“Whoop! That’s what I’m talking about!” Rich tentatively returned the high five and started the rest of his worksheet.

 

Rich was on the last problem when the bell signaling the end of class rang and everybody rushed to get out of there seats. He jotted down his answer, put his pencil back in his backpack, and stood up to turn the sheet in. He walked to the front to put it in the basket and slung his backpack over his shoulder. Rich shared one last pleasantry with his teacher before ducking out of the classroom.

 

“Hey Rich, wait up!” Rich turned around to see Jake rolling towards him. Jake came to a stop right in front of him. “I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re back. I know things seem weird right now, but it’ll be fine!”

 

“Thanks Jake, but-”

 

“Also, I want you to know that I’m here for you. Whenever you’re ready,” Jake fiddled with the wheels of his chair.

 

“Oh. Well, cool. Thanks, bro,” Rich awkwardly shot a thumbs-up. Jake shot one back and rolled away as quickly as he came. Rich felt his head rush.

 

That was certainly not how he expected that to go. He was expecting to get beat, or at least yelled at. A cold glare even. He was not expecting Jake to be comforting him and least of all to be “glad he’s back”. He was the reason the guy was in a wheelchair in the first place! He didn’t deserve such forgiveness. That didn’t seem to matter to Jake though, at least not at the moment. Rich felt grateful that he didn’t have to deal with that today. Later, yes, but not right now. Rich took a deep breath, his chest feeling a little bit lighter, and braced the rest of the day.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The final bell rang, and Rich headed quickly to the school parking lot. He didn’t want to keep Jeremy and Michael waiting. Looking around the parking lot, he quickly spotted the PT Cruiser. It stuck out like a sore thumb in the sea of Honda Civics and Ford Focuses. Rich walked up next to it and sat on the ground. Jeremy wasn’t here yet, so he would just wait.

He sat for about 8 minutes when he saw a red hoodie turn the corner. Michael was walking backwards, slushie in hand, having a very animated conversation with a uninterested Jeremy.

 

“So then I told her, “ If that’s ugly, I’d like to see your grandma’s curtains!”, and she gasped! Actually gasped Jeremy! I don’t think I’ve ever heard somebody audibly gasp before,”

 

“That’s great, Michael,”

 

“Right? So, then I- Oh, hey Rich!” Michael gave Rich a surprised look. “Why are you on the ground?” 

 

Rich stood up off the ground and patted his jeans. “Just waiting. This is your car, right?”

 

Michael grimaced. “Sadly, yes. What are you-” 

 

“Um, Michael! I think I-uh-left my-uh, house key in your locker! Let’s go get it!” Jeremy piped up frantically, cutting Michael off.

 

“You left your, house key? In my locker?” Michael raised his eyebrows suspiciously.

 

“Yep! Can we go to your locker please?” Jeremy gave Michael a pleading look.

 

“Right now?” Jeremy raised his eyebrows. “Oh- right now! OK, lets go. Sorry Rich, is it OK if we go back to my locker for a sec? It’ll only take a minute.” Michael patted Jeremy on the back and turned him around. He gave Rich a little shrug as Jeremy walked a pace ahead.

 

“Yeah, that’s totally fine! Is Jeremy OK?” Rich leaned to look over at Jeremy, who was wiggling around impatiently.

 

“He’ll be fine,” Michael reassured. He chuckled at his best friend and ran to catch up with him.

 

Rich sat back down on the ground and pulled out his phone. He scrolled through his social media slightly bothered by his previous encounter. Jeremy was acting a little strange, especially when Michael started talking to him. Did Jeremy think Rich was going to say something to hurt him? Rich thought Jeremy trusted him. No, that’s stupid. He was probably just overthinking it.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“OK, Jere, slow down!” Michael ran after Jeremy, who was sprint-walking to his locker. “Is it that bad?” He came to a stop next to his locker, panting.

 

“No, I’m fine, I just-” Jeremy picked at his cuticles.

 

“Medium or heavy?” Michael started rifling through his locker.

 

“Medium or what?” Jeremy looked over at Michael. “Oh- no,no. It’s not that. I’m fine,”

 

“What’s this about then? Did you actually leave your house key in here?” Michael closed his locker and leaned up against it.

 

“No, it’s about Rich,” Jeremy glanced at the ground.

 

“Oh yeah, what about him?

 

“I may have invited him to go to the movie with us today?”

 

“Oh, well that’s fine. Is that why he was waiting by the car?”

 

“Yeah, and um, I might have lied a bit,” Jeremy tapped his foot on top of Michael’s.

 

“About what?’ 

 

“I might have said it was your idea,” Jeremy made a popping sound with his lip.

 

“Now why would you do that?” Michael questioned.

 

“Rich was really sad, and I didn’t want him to feel alone! So, I said you wanted him to come to the movie with us,”

 

“I don’t mind him coming with us. Sure, I would’ve liked to have been asked first, but it’s fine. My question is, why did you make it seem like it was me who suggested it?”

 

“I just thought that if Rich thought other people were, I don’t know, thinking of him? It would make him feel better or something,”

 

“So instead of just inviting him on a nice outing with friends, you lied to him about something stupid. If he founds out you lied to him, It’ll make him feel even worse!”

 

“Oh, shit! Yeah, I didn’t think of that. God, I’m a dumb-ass!” Jeremy hit his forehead with his palm.

 

“Yeah, you are,” Michael chuckled. Jeremy shot him a dirty look. “But, lucky for you, you have Michael Mell, actor extraordinaire on your side! I’ll just play along. Now what did you say to him exactly?”

 

“I just showed him a text from you saying, “Why don’t you invite him? Maybe he’s a secret nerd,”. See, look,” Jeremy took out his phone and showed Michael the text.

 

“You created a whole text and everything? Jesus, Jeremy.” Michael’s brow furrowed. “Secret nerd? You think I would say something as lame as that?”

 

“I don’t know Michael! I was just jotting something quick while Rich was- uh, at his locker,” Jeremy rubbed the back of his head. He didn’t want to tell Michael about Rich’s panic attack. He figured Rich wouldn’t want anyone to know. Besides, Michael didn’t know about  Rich like Jeremy did. While they did chat during the hospital, Rich didn’t tell Michael the things he told Jeremy. It was probably for the best to just keep it quiet.

 

“Whatever. Was that all? We should probably get going sooner rather than later,” Michael  adjusted a magnet on his locker and glanced over his shoulder at Jeremy.

 

“Yeah, hey, I’m sorry for making this more complicated than it needed to be,”

 

“It’s all good. I’m used to it,” Michael took one last slurp of his slushie and threw it in the garbage can. He started walking to the parking lot when he shot out behind him, “I’m player one by the way,”

 

“Bullshit!” Jeremy grinned and caught up to the other boy. He was glad Michael wasn’t mad at him. It was going to take a while to redeem himself after the S.Q.U.I.P incident, and this definitely wasn’t the way to do it. Maybe he’ll buy Michael a slushie later.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Rich looked up from his phone to see Michael and Jeremy walk out the school again. Jeremy seemed to be passionately argue a point when Michael turned around to say something. Rich watched Jeremy’s face fall and turn into a pout. He laughed at the thought of what Michael could’ve possibly said to extinguish Jeremy’s fire so quickly. Jeremy spotted Rich again and spun a key around his finger.

 

“Got it! Sorry to keep you waiting,” Jeremy apologized.

 

“No, no. You’re all good. We ready to go?”

 

“Yep!” Michael clicked his car and hopped in the driver’s seat. Rich climbed in the back and they left the parking lot.

 

“Any music recommendations Rich? Please?” Jeremy plugged Michael’s phone into the aux and clicked on his music.

 

“Nothing comes to mind,” Rich leaned up against the middle console, sticking his head between the two other boys.

 

“Well, in that case, play my playlist,” Michael waved his hand at Jeremy, turning on his turn signal.

 

“Which one?” Jeremy rolled his eyes at Rich behind Michael.

 

“The one with the dancer girl and Mai Tai,”

 

“God, I hate you,” Jeremy clicked on the playlist and an ad played.

 

“I can’t help it if you don’t have any sense Jere,” Michael turned left and raised a hand in thanks to another car in the intersection.

 

“What’s on the playlist?” Rich stuck his head forward to see the phone in Jeremy’s hand.

 

“You’ll see,” Jeremy tapped the air as a familiar “my, my” played. Michael did something Rich felt could be compared to a head-bang and “Waterloo” by ABBA erupted throughout the cruiser.

 

“Absolute art, am I right Rich?” Michael stopped at a red light and started dancing in his seat.

 

“Totally! My mom used to listen to ABBA before- never mind.” Rich sputtered quickly. “Hey! Isn’t that the theater?”

 

“Oh shit yeah, I always miss this turn,”

 

“Always,” Jeremy teased.

 

“He’s such a snarky bitch, isn’t he Rich?” Michael ticked, dripping in sarcasm. He glared at Jeremy. Jeremy just flipped him off.

 

“Well- uh,” Rich stuttered but the other boy just laughed. They pulled into the parking lot and parked. Rich got out of the car and excused himself to the bathroom after paying for his ticket.

 

Rich was impressed with Jeremy’s and Michael’s friendship. From what he heard, it was really affected by the S.Q.U.I.P thing. He heard Michael and Jeremy discussing it in the hospital. Not that he was eavesdropping! He just hoped they were in a better place than they were. Michael seemed really pissed.

 

Rich was glad Michael invited him here. He liked Michael. Michael was a lot cooler than people thought. Well, maybe not cool. He was definitely fun to be around. Whenever he was around, Rich felt happier. Michael just carried that feel good energy you know? Rich also really liked his car. Michael may think it’s stupid, but Rich didn’t. It was cozy and kinda retro. Like Michael.

 

Rich finished up and washed his hands. Walking out of the bathroom, Rich smelt a familiar scent. He curiously smelt his shirt and immediately recognized the smell.

 

Coconut.

 

Weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I like to think Michael has a red PT cruiser. Red is his aesthetic you know?


	5. Movies are lame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Ya'll! We are back
> 
> TW- None!
> 
> If you guys want, you should follow me on Tumblr @dont-take-a-chill-pill. I post a bunch of fanart I like and do writing prompts and stuff. It's a fun time.

Rich made his way through the herds of people at the movie theater, looking for Jeremy and Michael. After extensive searching and the realization that he didn’t have either of their numbers, he finally found them at the arcade. Michael seemed to be furiously jamming the buttons on a obnoxiously pink game, Jeremy cheering him on in the background. Rich walked closer attempting to see the name of the game, but the boys were blocking it. 

 

“Come on, Mike! Only 3000 points to go!” Jeremy bounced, focused intensely on the game-play in front of him.

 

“Mark this as the day Michael Mell beat Captain_Warvel at her own damn game!” Michael shouted.

 

Rich stood next to Jeremy, who didn’t seem to notice him, and peered over Michael’s shoulder. Michael seemed to be playing a game called Carol Danver’s Grand Adventure. Judging by the look of it, it seemed to be a mix of Donkey Kong and Pacman. Michael was only a few points away from the high score of 120,987. Rich found himself joining in on Jeremy’s cheers, absorbed by the intense energy in the room.

 

“Up! Down! Not that!” Jeremy and Rich shouted advice to Michael, who was so closely leaned into the game that his glasses were almost touching. Rich worried about his future eyesight. As Michael got closer and closer to his goal, Rich and Jeremy quieted, allowing the boy to focus completely. Rich watched as Michael moved his avatar back and forth between the spaceship. He noticed Michael had his tongue out slightly, the pink tip just barely showing against the corner of his lips. He jolted back as Michael jumped high into the air.

 

“FUCK YEAH! Take that Captain_Warvel! You can suck my-”

 

“Kids, Mike!” Jeremy interjected quickly, getting a dirty look from a soccer mom.

 

“Ooh, yeah, sorry!” Michael blushed in embarrassment.

 

“That was impressive Michael,” Rich held his hand up for a high five. Michael enthusiastically returned it. He also took a dramatic bow, which made them both laugh, and together, they joined Jeremy, who was looking at the coming soon posters.

  
  


“There’s a new musical movie coming out. Looks to be about strangers stuck in a subway. Christine would love this!” Jeremy pointed to a poster on the wall.

 

“Why don’t you take her?” Michael suggested.

 

“You think she would want too?”

 

“You’re her boyfriend aren’t you?” Rich chimed in. He took a closer look at the poster. One of the actors looked really familiar, but he couldn’t place him.

 

“Oh yeah! I’ll take her then. Oh! We could even get Pinkberry!” Jeremy took a picture of the poster and saved it.

 

“That’s the spirit.” Rich looked at his phone, then the snack line. “We should probably get in line for snacks now if we want to make the previews,” Rich looked back at the other two, who shared a look and started laughing. Rich raised an eyebrow in confusion. Did he say something weird?

 

“Oh, Rich, you’re so naive. It’s almost cute.” Michael said sweetly. “Do you think I wear this hoodie just for fashion?”

 

“Yes? Why else would you wear it? It’s a very fashionable hoodie, Mell,” Rich made a show of checking out the hoodie.

 

“Why thank you, Goranski, but this hoodie has more useful purposes,” Michael reached under his hoodie and flashed a small blue package. “That’s not all, too.”

 

“Very impressive. In that case, should we head to the theater then?” Rich asked Jeremy, who was smiling at his phone.

 

“What? Oh yeah,” Jeremy tucked his phone into his pocket and they headed into the theater, discussing previous movies in the the series.

 

They found 3 seats at the top and sat in a row. Jeremy, Michael, Rich. Michael secretly distributed his snacks, carefully avoiding the peering eyes of the usher. When all was said and done, Rich ended up with a pack of Oreos, Red Vines, Cheeto Puffs, and a Crystal Pepsi, that somehow was still cold. Rich asked Michael how he fit all these things, but Michael just winked and said, 

 

“A magician never reveals his secret,”

 

“Well then tell me, where did you find the Crystal Pepsi?” Rich leaned closer. Michael just put a finger to his lips, as if guarding a very secret secret.

 

“You’ll find out eventually Richard,” Michael winked again, and Rich found himself grateful for the low lights. What the hell did Michael mean by that?

 

“Well-” Rich started again when he was interrupted a loud “THIS MARCH”. Rich drew his attention to the movie screen and watched as a fairy princess ran her sword through a lioness. The movie then started, and the theater hushed.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The movie ended and the boys walked out of the theater, chatting about the movie. They were almost out of the building when Jeremy excused himself to go to the bathroom. Rich and Michael were left by themselves. Rich leaned against the wall, and awkwardly shifted his foot. Michael sank to the ground next to Rich and started to drum a beat against his legs. Uncomfortable with the silence, Rich cleared his throat,

 

“Thanks for inviting me,”

 

“Huh? Oh yeah, it was fun,” Michael looked up at Rich.

 

“Did you like the movie?”

 

“Not as well as the other ones, but it was still good,” Michael checked his phone. Silence fell between them again, and Rich was found acutely aware of the tension. An incredibly awkward minute passed. Rich took a deep breath and whispered,

 

“Sorry,”

 

“For what?” Michael didn’t look up from his phone.

 

“You know for what, Mell. I’m sorry for treating you like shit,”

 

“Look.” Michael looked at Rich. “I don’t want to do this,”

 

“Do what?” Rich felt his breath lurch as Michael initiated intense eye contact.

 

“This whole apology thing.” He stood up and faced Rich. “I’m sick of the constant apologies. We all fucked up. We all hurt other people. We all are sorry. Look, I’ve already heard enough from Jeremy, and I still don’t completely forgive him. It will take some time. I can’t expect him to forgive me that quickly, either. We will be back on track, just not right now,”

 

“Oh,” Rich nervously held eye contact with the taller boy.

 

“And, maybe one day, this could be a thing. Rich, I’m willing to be your friend. It’s just going to take more than one movie together to make me forget the past two years happened. I realize it wasn’t your fault, and I get it, I do. I just need to find out if I can trust you. Then we could do this. Just apologizing and pretending it’s all fine after isn’t healthy for anyone, trust me,” Michael ran a hand through his hair and sighed deeply.

 

“That’s fair,” Rich looked down at the ground, breaking the stare between them.

“Yeah,” Michael looked blankly at the wall. It was silent again.

 

“Hey guys, all done. Ready to go?” Jeremy walked out of the bathroom and came up behind them. He patted Michael’s shoulder and looked between them. “Did I miss something?”

 

“No, I’m ready to go,” Rich turned and started heading towards the door.

 

“Same,” Michael spun his keys around his finger and also headed to the door, leaving Jeremy to catch up.

 

They piled back into the car and started to drive back. Jeremy was keeping up the conversation, talking about some nerdy thing, but Rich couldn’t concentrate. He kept thinking about what Michael had said. Michael was probably right of course, he shouldn’t expect immediate forgiveness. Nor should he give it. But something else sat with him oddly, and he couldn’t place what it was.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


The Cruiser pulled onto Rich’s street, and Rich pointed out his house. Michael pulled into the driveway and Rich and Jeremy got out of the car. 

 

“You don’t have to walk me to my door, you know,” Rich said as he waved bye to Michael.

 

“I want too,” Jeremy closed his door and headed up to the front step. Rich met him up there, and peered through the window. He was in the clear. He reached for his key in his pocket.

 

“Thanks for this morning,” Rich said.

 

“Hey, it was no problem,” Jeremy rocked back on his heels.

 

“Well, I really appreciate it. I wish you didn’t have to see me like that,”

 

“It’s really fine Rich. I almost glad I saw you like that. Uh-not that I’m glad you were like that, just you know, it reminded me you were human. You shouldn’t be ashamed,” Jeremy pushed his glasses higher on his nose. Rich opened the door and stepped inside the door frame.

 

“I’ll keep that in mind. Have a good night,” Rich waved to Michael again from the doorstep. 

 

“I will, you too. See you tomorrow,” Jeremy took a step back from the door and started heading back down the path. Rich waved one more time and closed the door. 

 

It certainly was an interesting day.


	6. Flannels are Lame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back baby.
> 
> TW- Homophobic Slurs and forced coming outs.

Rich woke up the next morning, his neck sore. He rubbed it and grimaced at the touch. He must’ve slept on it wrong. He sat up, stretched his back, and hopped out of bed. He checked his phone,searching for some new email or notification, but nothing appeared. He wasn’t used to not being bombarded with dozens of notifications as he woke up. Back when he still had the S.Q.U.I.P, people were always wanting to follow him, or he would wake up to a meme Jake had sent him at 4 am. Silence was just, unusual.

It wasn’t a bad unusual, per say. It was almost nice. Rich was relieved he didn’t have to spend 20 minutes sorting through all his social media. Now he could make himself a nice breakfast every morning. At least, that's what he told himself. He pulled his covers over his pillow, “making” his bed, and opened his closet door.

Funny thing about pre-S.Q.U.I.P Rich was that he had little to no fashion sense. It was really bad. He once wore a tie-dye with striped pants. Thinking about it pained him. Rich pulled out each of his shirts one by one, putting them into two separate piles. One being the “questionable” pile, the other being the “absolutely not” pile. When all was said and done, he had six shirts in the “questionable” pile, and about fifteen in the “absolutely not”. He sighed. That nice breakfast would have to wait until tomorrow.

Rich pulled a flannel out of the “questionable” pile. He could work with this. Searching extensively through his dresser, he pulled out a white t-shirt. He then reached into his closet and pulled out one of his only two pairs of jeans. This would have to do. He got dressed, playing with the tucking and buttoning of his shirt and flannel. Eventually, he settled on untucked shirt and unbuttoned flannel. He turned around in the mirror. He didn’t look like a douche. Good enough.

Rich walked into his bathroom and got ready. He played with his hair, slicking and un-slicking it back, until he decided to just leave it how it was. The red streak in his hair was fading, and Rich knew that he would have to decide sooner or later if he wanted to keep it. He stared at himself in the mirror for a minute and sighed. Tracing a finger along his burn, he felt sick. He hated how it distracted from his face. But, knowing it wouldn’t disappear if he just stared at it, he slathered some scar gel on it and called it a day.

Rich quickly ate. He had spent a little too much time on his outfit this morning and if he didn’t get going now, he would miss the bus. He grabbed his bag and headed out. Walking in silence, he decided to play some music. Pulling out his earbuds, Rich scrolled through his phone, unable to find anything he actually liked. Previously, his S.Q.U.I.P only had him listen to rap music, which Rich didn’t really enjoy. He settled on some 80’s playlist, and turned it on, hoping it was a safe bet. “We Didn’t Start the Fire” started playing. Maybe Rich just wouldn’t listen to music.

Rich pulled out his earbuds and walked the rest of the way in silence, thinking about how he was going to catch up on all the homework he missed. He carried this thought all the way to school.

\------------------------------------------------

Rich got ready to walk into school again. Putting in his earbuds, and looking down at the floor, he avoided the eye contact of all his peers. Maybe if he didn’t look at them, he wouldn’t have to hear their whispers. It worked for the most part. Rich arrived at his locker and started putting his books away. He turned to close his locker when he heard someone very quietly whisper “dyke”. That was weird. Why would they call him that? Was it because of the flannel? It honestly didn’t make much sense. Although, when did any of their insults make sense? Rich couldn’t think of a time.

He put his earbuds and started to walk to class when he ran into someone. He looked up to see Jenna Rolan. It occurred to Rich that it might not have been him the insult was directed to. Jenna Rolan fumbled with her phone with a sour look on her face. She saw him and looked up from her phone.

“Hey Rich! I was looking for you,” She smiled down at him.

“You were looking for me?”

“Of course! I wanted to talk to you,”

“Talk to me about what?”

“Just come here,” She lead him over to the corner of the hallway by the trash can. She looked at him sadly and suddenly scooped him up in a big hug. Rich was shocked by this, squirming in her arms.

“Oh Rich! I’m so sorry about what happened to you! It’s just so tragic. I can’t imagine how it feels!” She wiped her eyes.

“Oh, uh, thanks Jenna,” Rich felt uncomfortable as he watched Jenna cry at his expense.

“I’m just glad you’re okay!”

“Oh, cool, thanks,” Rich turned to walk away, awkwardly ducking under her arms. “Bye,”

“ And! I also just want you to know that I support you! No matter what!” She turned towards him and clenched her hands in front of her heart.

“Thanks Jenna, I appreciate it,” Rich looked at the clock on the wall. If he didn’t get going soon, he’d be late.

"You’re so brave you know!”

“I don’t know if I’d call it brave, Jenna. I kinda just have to deal with the consequences of my actions,”

“No, but you are! I don’t know if I could do that! Not letting the world get to me. Just putting up the middle finger and saying “fuck you, this is who I am!” It takes guts!” She smiled again. Rich looked at her confused. What did she mean by that? Did she think it was brave that he was an arsonist?

“What are you talking about Jenna?”

“I’m talking about you, silly!”

“Yeah, I know that! What do you mean I’m being brave?” Rich looked at the clock. He was really going to be late now.

“Well, I heard that you’re gay!” She giggled and hugged him. “I love that for you!”

“What?” Rich paused and pushed her away gently. “Who told you that?”

“Oh I just heard it through the grapevine.” Jenna noticed his shock and frowned. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Just peachy. Jenna, seriously, who the hell told you?” Rich raised his voice.

“Why? Does that mean it’s true?”

“True? No! I mean, kinda, I’m bi, but- ” Rich immediately recoiled at the realization of what he had said. He just told the biggest gossip in school that he was bi. The former homophobic bully, who now has a lisp and burn scars, was bi. First of all stereotypes. Second of all, he was going to get beat.

“OMG! You are! I knew it! See, I told Chloe that I-” She fanned her face excitedly.

“Wait, what? You knew?” Rich backed up a step.

“Well, you see, I thought you might be. So I told you I heard from somebody to see how you would react! And I was totally right! I-”

“What the fuck Jenna!” Rich was close to screaming now.

“Hey, calm down, it’s not a big deal,” Jenna cocked her head slightly.

“It is for me! You just tricked me into coming out! That’s seriously fucked up! Do you know what people are going to do to me once they find out!” His voice was starting to shake now, and his lisp was getting worse.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone Rich,” She placed her hand on his shoulder.

“Bullshit,” Rich shrugged her off. “I don’t think you’re capable of keeping your mouth shut that long.” Shit, that came out a lot meaner than he meant it to. Jenna slowly drew her rejected hand back.

“Jesus Christ Rich. That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?” Rich met her eyes, and they looked genuinely hurt.

“Yeah. Look I’m sorry, Jenna,”

“I keep plenty of secrets. I’m not just the school gossip, you know,”

“Yeah, I know.” Rich sighed. “Can you just leave me alone Jenna? I need to think. And please, don’t tell anyone.”

“Sure, whatever. Brooke says hi, by the way,” Jenna bit her lip in frustration. She then turned and quickly walked down the hall. The bell rang, and Rich was left alone by the trash can.

\-------------------------------------------

Rich looked down at his hands. They were shaking. He clenched and unclenched his fingers, hoping to stop them. It only kinda worked.

He was pissed at Jenna. She fucking played him. She had played him into admitting something he has yet to accept about himself for her own games. That was not okay. Why did she suspect it anyway? Was it the finger guns? Rich sighed. He was overthinking this.

It’s not that he was ashamed of being bi. There was nothing wrong with it! It was just, it was new. For so long, his S.Q.U.I.P told him liking men was something to be ashamed of. Something that needed to be fixed. It was really hard to get out of that mindset, especially when there were so many other things he needed to fix about himself. Rich didn’t even know how he figured it out. It was almost immediately after he woke up in the hospital that a switch had flipped. He saw this hot guy on the TV and just thought, “damn.” I mean how pathetic of a sexual awakening was that?

Part of him had wanted to tell Jeremy in the hospital. Rich had just thought it wouldn’t go that well. Admitting you are not straight to the guy you bullied and called gay was not the greatest choice. Rich physically recoiled at all the times he called Jeremy and Michael the F-slur. He convinced Jeremy to take the S.Q.U.I.P by calling him gay and a sissy! Yeah, telling him would not have been smart.

Rich also wasn’t planning on staying closeted forever though. Once he was in college or whatever, he was going to live his truth. He even planned on maybe telling Michael and Jeremy if the path their friendship was taking turned out well.

Shit! Michael and Jeremy! Rich patted his forehead and sank to the floor. How the hell were they going to react to this? They were going to find out. Even if it had come out the wrong way, he meant what he said. Jenna couldn’t keep her mouth shut. It’s just a matter of hours before the entire school knows. Rich really wanted to be their friend! Now, everything he feared was going to come true. Rich felt sick to his stomach. Fuck it. He’ll deal with it. Maybe he’ll just become a stoner. That’ll work.

Rich stood up and pulled his phone out. It was only five minutes into class. He probably should go now. It was better to be five minutes late then not go at all. Rich trudged down the hall. Better enjoy his 3 hours of peace? Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	7. Lockers are lame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Schedule? Who's she?
> 
> TW- none!

The final bell rang, and Rich swam with the crowd to his locker. Ducking in between two heavily perfumed girls, he stood in front of his locker. He was on edge. All day, he listened to passing conversations, listening for any nugget about him, but to his surprise, he heard nothing. It didn’t make him feel any better though. Rich would’ve rather have faced it upfront then sit in anxious waiting for the secret to come out. He could imagine it now. It would be in a few months, after he had made friends and finally feel decent again. He would walk up to his locker covered in graffiti and his name written all over the bathroom stalls. He would lose all his friends again, and be in the same place he was now, except this time his boxers would be hanging from the flagpole.

 

Rich was great at making himself feel better. He stood at his locker and stared at it. Wrappers hanging off the shelf, expired gummies at the bottom, an apple core, and crumpled papers stared back. It was a mess. Concluding that he had time before the bus came, Rich decided to clean it out. He grabbed a slightly ripped lunch bag and started putting trash in it. The two heavily perfumed girls moved away from his locker and the smell hit Rich like a slap in the face. Jesus Christ, did the S.Q.U.I.P turn off his nose glands or something? It smelled like if a boxer had used pickle juice as deodorant and owned 12 cats. Maybe Rich should get one of those pine tree things.

 

Rich worked diligently, organizing his pencils and tidying up. When all was said and done, he had a paper bag and two Ziplocs filled with garbage and a sticky, red spot at the bottom of his locker. That would have to wait until he could get a wipe. Or maybe a wet paper towel would work. Rich packed his bag, trying not to breathe too deeply. Rich bent to pick up the bags, but they were gone. He looked up to see them hanging above his head.

 

“Need help?” Brooke swung the bags above his head.

 

“Hey Brooke! Uh, no, actually. I just finished up. Unless on the off chance you have a wipe?” Rich stood up and grabbed the bags from Brooke’s hands.

 

“Actually, I do!” Brooke rifled through her purse and pulled out a packet. “Here!”

 

“Oh, thanks!” Rich grabbed the wipe and opened it. He started scrubbing the red stain.

 

“Yeah! My dad has really been liking barbecue lately, so whenever we go out to eat, I grab a handful of the little hand wipes. They’re great for removing lipstick and coffee stains,” As Rich scrubbed, Brooke took the bags to the garbage. She came back, and hovered awkwardly.

 

“So, how have you been?”

 

“Honestly, Brooke, I don’t know. Shitty?” Rich zipped his backup and swung it over shoulder.

 

“That's fair. Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“You’d talk about it with me?” Rich closed his locker.

 

“Of course, you’re my friend! Don’t be silly,” Brooke laughed and grabbed his hand.

 

“Thanks, that would be nice. But not right now, my bus leaves in 5 minutes.” Rich smiled at her and swung their hands.

 

“I could give you a ride if you want. I have my mom’s car today,”

 

“But isn’t today Tuesday?”

 

“Yeah, but my little brother is sick, so she’s home taking care of him. We could go get some PinkBerry and go watch some Law and Order?”

 

“Your mom’s cool with that?” Rich let go of Brooke’s hand and grabbed his backpack strap.

 

“Yep! I actually asked her this morning. I was going to try and find you and ask you if you wanted to hang out. I asked Jenna to mention me if she saw you,” Brooke tucked her hair behind her ear, and Rich smelt her familiar apple perfume. He was actually there when she bought it. Brooke had dragged him and Jake to the mall with her, promising them Sbarro.

 

“That sounds great Brooke. I would love too. Now that you mention it, I do remember Jenna saying something,” Rich bit his lip. He’d forgotten about his Jenna problem.

 

“You OK?” Brooke took her sunglasses out of her purse.

 

“Yeah, I am. Just curious though. Did Jenna say anything to you? About me?” 

 

“Rich. You know no matter what, I love you, right?” Rich met her eyes, full of care.

 

“So, she did say something,” Rich whispered dejectedly. 

 

“Rich, it doesn’t matter who you love, you are still you. I see that. I see you,” Brooke took his hand again.

 

“But you don’t know who I am. You knew the S.Q.U.I.P. I’m sorry Brooke, but I’m not that cool and confident,” Rich went to lower his hand but Brooke gripped it tighter. 

 

“That’s not who I’m talking about. I’m talking about the Rich who would make sure I was eating enough during cheer. I’m talking about the Rich who memorised my cycle and would always bring me chocolate and Advil. I’m talking about the Rich who secretly cared even though he pretended he couldn’t care less. I’m talking about  _ you _ , Rich,” Brooke laughed sweetly. Rich felt his eyes tear up.

 

“But I-”

 

“Rich, I didn’t love the popular bully, I loved the sweet guy underneath,”

 

“Really?” Rich rubbed his thumb over their hands.

 

“Really. You liking guys doesn’t change anything,” She rubbed her thumb over his in return.

 

“But it does. It changes everything. Brooke, I don’t know what to do,” Rich’s voice shook.

 

“You won’t for a while. But it’ll get better, trust me,”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“My mother told me in 7th grade. She was right, too. You’ll feel better,”

 

“Wait, what do you mean?”

 

“I’m pan, Rich,” Brooke loosened her grip on his hand. Rich stared at her.

 

“You are?”

 

“Uh-huh,”

 

“So that means…”

 

“Yep,”

 

“Madeline?”

 

“Yeah,” Brooke sighed. 

 

“I’m sorry, for not being there,” Rich put his hands in his pocket. 

 

“I’m sorry, too,” Brooke chuckled sadly.

 

“About what?”

 

“Not knowing. You shouldn’t have been alone,” Brooke looked at the ground.

 

“Hey, I didn’t know either. I should’ve said something. I knew something was up with Madeline,”

 

“It’s OK,”

 

“And you’re OK too,” Rich pulled Brooke into a hug, which she gladly accepted. They stood there for a while.

 

“We didn’t even get to PinkBerry,” Brooke giggled.

 

“That’s becoming a normality for me,” Rich huffed. Brooke squeezed him tightly and let go.

 

“Before we leave, did Jenna tell anyone else? I didn’t mean to tell her, and if she spreads it-,” Rich groaned.

 

“No, she didn’t. She didn’t even technically tell me,” Brooke reassured.

 

“What?”

 

“I knew something was up with you, and Jenna look hurt after she talked to you, so I asked her. She told me everything, but not after making me promise not to tell anyone else,”

 

“Oh, maybe I was a bit harsh,”

 

“Yeah, you were. Jenna isn’t just a blabbermouth for no reason. I think she first said anything she knew for validation from others. Now, she feels if she doesn’t supply gossip, she’ll be ignored. Which, honestly, and I hate to say it, she might be right,” Brooke scolded.

 

“How did you grow to be oh so wise?” Rich curtsied. She smacked on his shoulder.

 

“I’m serious. When I was S.Q.U.I.Ped, it told me to speak my mind more. Out of all the things it said, it might’ve been right on that one,”

 

“Good. I like listening to you talk. I always feel smarter after,” Rich grinned. Brooke squinted at him, trying to find sarcasm. 

 

“Whatever, we should go before the dean kicks us out,”

 

“Shit, yeah. The school technically closed 5 minutes ago,” Rich checked his phone. Brooke put on her sunglasses and grabbed his hand, leading him to her mother’s car. 

 

They joked all the way to PinkBerry and Rich realized how much he had missed Brooke. He was glad she was there for him. When all else fails, he could count on her. Rich was lucky.

Maybe everything would be OK.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip pan!Brooke out of my cold dead hands.
> 
> I swear I'll stop making Rich sad eventually! Just not yet.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr @dont-take-a-chill-pill! 
> 
> \------Hope you enjoy the story!------


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